Reconnecting with Family

I maintained a close relationship with my mom and stepdad throughout my many years of incarceration so I was really excited to get out and go live with them. Before I was released, though, I had the concern that my mom still thought I was 16. That was how old I was when I was arrested.

It had been 26 long years since I had lived at home…the last time I walked out of the house I was a teenager. I could tell from how she was talking that she still had that motherly instinct to guide my every move. It was frustrating for me because even though I knew I was going to need her help, I was ready to get out and be an adult in the free world for the first time. I communicated with her how it was making me feel and asked her to please be mindful about treating me like I was a kid still.

I understood that I had been gone for two and half decades and that my parents were 80 years old now. Nothing was the same. I did my best to remain mindful of their day-to-day patterns and to be respectful of their space. My mom wanted to be around me 24 hours a day, but my stepdad had some struggles with my return. I don’t really know what the issues were specifically, but I would imagine he wasn’t happy that I was now stealing away the attention of my mom. I also think that he just didn’t love having me in the house all the time. It wasn’t because he didn’t like me-he had come to visit me in prison almost every weekend for over 20 years. He was just old and set in his ways. I can’t say I blame him. So I did my best to keep out of his way but still make the house my home. We had a couple of unpleasant exchanges and I got overly emotional about them, which didn’t help the situation at all. I told my mom I was going to go back to Colorado (I had come to Arizona to live with them). The ripple effect of that was my mom getting really upset with my stepdad. She had waited 26 years for me to come home and she wasn’t going to let anything ruin it. It was tough at times.

They are both gone now. My stepdad passed away in June of 2022 and my mom died 5 months later. Looking back, I think that we all did the best we could. My stepdad was a gruff man of few words. I wish that I had communicated with him more, but because of how he was, I thought it best to just be as respectful as possible and help out around the house however I could.

If you are returning home to family after your time in prison, be mindful of how your return impacts them as well as yourself. Remember to have understanding that your return changes the flow of their lives. Communicate and do what you can to be an asset to the household, not a burden. Many are not blessed with a family member’s house to go home to. Remain grateful for the roof over your head and always extend gratitude to those who have stood by your side. There most likely will be some sort of bumps in the road but navigate through them with patience and an understanding for your family member’s point of view. Actually listen to them if they are having an issue with you and make an honest effort to meet them halfway. Sometimes we are going through so much when we get out that we forget about these things.